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My Christmas gift to COLA

  • Subject: My Christmas gift to COLA
  • From: cc <scatnubbs@xxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Tue, 23 Dec 2008 18:15:03 -0800 (PST)
  • Complaints-to: groups-abuse@xxxxxxxxxx
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  • Newsgroups: comp.os.linux.advocacy
  • Organization: http://groups.google.com
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  • Xref: ellandroad.demon.co.uk comp.os.linux.advocacy:717820

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the group
7 was posting gibberish because he's a dumb little poop
Linux advocacy posts were being made with care
To ward off Microsoft Munchkins and their Open Source scare

Snit posted GUI inconsistencies, thousands at a time
And Hadron was there desperate to take his side
Tattoo Vampire wanted to fight and called them both queers
Because he had grown 7 feet tall after having a beer

When all of a sudden there rose a paranoid fright
Roy Schestowitz had made 4 million posts, and none of them right
But no corrections were made, only posts repeated
And Microsoft Munchkins were failing, their willpower depleted

The day looked lost, it was the year of Linux indeed
Choice is good as long as it's our choice was the advocate's creed
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
DFS's Ubuntu posts, the truth was near

Hundreds and Hundreds of horror stories told
Some of them on the verge of 3 years old
Roy called together his posse, as fast as lightning they came
And he whistled delicately and called them by name

"On Roy Culley, On Homer, On The Almighty Mark Kent
Now HPT, Now Terry Porter, come on we will make them repent!
To the top of the of thread, hell, to the top of the roof
We'll make thousands of posts, and we won't tell the truth"

Linonut agreed with everything, Hadron told him to heel
Homer said DRM is bullshit, and it's okay to steal
Petey Koehlmann makes proprietary apps all day, oh what a stunt
But at night he rails against Microsoft and calls everyone cunts

Linux is perfect they screamed, there is no problem at all
According to flatfish, Roy Schestowitz has no balls
Tim Smith gave us a technical dissertation, imagine our luck
chrisv responded by plonking because chrisv's an illiterate fuck

The Ghost in the Machine rides in, with a thousand line post
Made up of mostly footnotes, these Munchkins were toast
Williams Poaster wrote something, what I don't really know
I got bored after the word "headers", it wasn't much of a show

Roy beamed proudly, the order seemingly restored
In the backwords world of COLA, which a vast majority ignored
Microsoft had been defeated, they were doomed to fail
All because they had the notion that software should be for sale

COLA rejoiced, their work was done
Linux had 2% of the desktop, look they won!
They fudged with the truth, didn't talk much about Open Source
They hold intellectual property and work on proprietary software, but
it's the principal of course

Mark Kent was ecstatic, Linux was on a roll
He had defeated the anti-charter, off-topic, trolls
He did all by agreeing with everything Roy said, he didn't have to
Now he could get back to doing what he loved, there was Microsoft news
to discuss

The desktop was dead, the PS3 was hit
The fact that none of this was true didn't bother him a bit
It's more important to have faith, any hurtful facts about Linux
should be nixed
Because god forbid any problems be acknowledged and fixed

So Roy got his recognition, by copying and pasting others work
And he doesn't give a damn that his misdeeds make him a jerk
But I heard him exclaim, in his usual paranoid fright
"The Munchkins will be back, we'll do this again tomorrow night"

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