In comp.os.linux.advocacy, [H]omer
<spam@xxxxxxx>
wrote
on Thu, 13 Sep 2007 01:31:09 +0100
<evcmr4-arq.ln1@xxxxxxxxxx>:
> Verily I say unto thee, that Roy Schestowitz spake thusly:
>
>> ,----[ Quite
>> | The 2,500-square-foot lab "will be home to a combined team of the best and
>> | brightest Microsoft and Novell engineers focused on making Windows Server and
>> | Suse Linux Enterprise from Novell," the companies said in a statement.
>> `----
>
> So it begins.
>
> Yesterday: "Cross License Agreement"
> Today: "Combined Workforce"
> Tomorrow: "Microsoft buys Novell"
>
The Day After: Microsoft amasses a huge SQL server database
of all Linux users and starts overloading the USPS and
process servers with nuisance lawsuits (except for
those known to use only those distributions which
Microsoft has signed indemnification agreements
with; the agreement stipulates that they turn over
their customer list so that Microsoft can, erm,
verify their legitimacy, yeah, that's gotta be it,
right? As opposed to, say, selling Microsoft Office
thereto...). Surprising the hell out of everybody, the
DB farm actually stays up long enough to finish the job,
though some of the entries get slightly mangled during
Microsoft's new combined auto-translation/copyright
repair capability, which tends to replace the words
"windows", "vista", and "ultimate" with "Microsoft
Windows Vista Ultimate Edition", but it gets confused
whenever it sees the word "basic".
An emergency contingent of Marines is called in to
help sort through the flood of mails -- since they're
back from Iraq by then and have nothing better to do,
right? -- and additional trucks at taxpayer expense
are purchased, which later have to be abandoned
because they're contaminated with formaldehyde. Oops.
Heck of a job, Brownie, or whoever your replacement
was this week.
Meanwhile, the courts, which are already rather clogged
with lawsuits brought from the paycheck lenders, get
inundated with responses, and additional Marines are
dispatched over there so that we don't have to fight
them over here. Wait...how exactly did that go again?
The President makes an emergency proclamation that
everyone using Linux and older versions of Microsoft
Windows is guilty of being a terrorist, and everyone
is either deported to Cuba or switches to Microsoft
Windows Vista Ultimate Edition with Microsoft Windows
Vista Ultimate Edition Visual Basic Edition, and we all
live happily ever after.
(Might as well have a fairy tale ending.)
--
#191, ewill3@xxxxxxxxxxxxx -- insert random magic wand here
People think that libraries are safe. They're wrong. They have ideas.
(Also occasionally ectoplasmic slime and cute librarians.)
--
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