APSKAT from COLA (nntp://Comp.Os.Linux.Advocacy) composed a very hilarious essay, which I was granted permission to duplicate. If you use Linux/Mac and possess fundamental knowledge of Windows, you will probably find the following hilarious.

Dear Abby…

Help! My computer is sick!!!

It really is, it’s got to be something serious!

Before, when I ran Windows, my computer never overstressed itself. It knew the importance of frequent breaks and had no problem letting me know when it was tired or just didn’t feel like doing anything. It took naps when it wanted, rebooted often and never did more than its share. It was always crying out for attention when it wanted it, it made me feel like I was special and truly needed for its survival. I used to shower it with expensive anti-malware programs and security software, frequent scandisks and defrags, cleaned it up often to keep it running happily along. I made sure I kept it safe from all the bugs and nasties running rampant out in the cruel world. I took it to the shop ever so often so it could be groomed and tuned up. Everything was fine!

It all started when I installed this “Linux” on it. Now, my computer just works all the time, it never takes a break! It just keeps on going and going like it was a machine! It never asks for a reboot like it used to all the time, it never rests. I’m really concerned for it, it’s like a constant workaholic, always ready to do something else, no matter how massive the task is – stuff that it wouldn’t even think of doing before! It’s downright scary I tell you! I’m really afraid that it’s going to hurt itself, but it never seems to mind at all.

Before, it was constantly crying out for attention and care. Now, it never asks for anything, it’s like it’s some sort of automaton just waiting for the next task to complete. It doesn’t slow down, it doesn’t reboot, it doesn’t require the loving care and attention it used to demand all the time. It doesn’t even succumb the to malware and nasties that used to be its major phobia. It’s like it doesn’t even care about them anymore, and it refuses to even run the anti-virus I paid so much for. It takes care of itself as if it were self-sufficient and only needs me to give it stuff to do!

It doesn’t even want all of the expensive gift software I bought for it, it comes with all of its own programs and they are all workaholics too! They do all the stuff the expensive software I bought even better and faster, but it didn’t cost me anything. I didn’t even have to go out and download them, they came with this new Linux thing.

Please, I’m begging you..what’s wrong with my dear computer? What happened to the cuddly, bloated, expensive powderpuff it used to be, and who is this sleek powerful workhorse of a beast in front of me? Please help me, I’m so confused!

Signed

  CompuConcerned

Related item: Reasons to Use Linux

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