APSKAT from COLA (nntp://Comp.Os.Linux.Advocacy) composed a very hilarious essay, which I was granted permission to duplicate. If you use Linux/Mac and possess fundamental knowledge of Windows, you will probably find the following hilarious.

Dear Abby…

Help! My computer is sick!!!

It really is, it’s got to be something serious!

Before, when I ran Windows, my computer never overstressed itself. It knew the importance of frequent breaks and had no problem letting me know when it was tired or just didn’t feel like doing anything. It took naps when it wanted, rebooted often and never did more than its share. It was always crying out for attention when it wanted it, it made me feel like I was special and truly needed for its survival. I used to shower it with expensive anti-malware programs and security software, frequent scandisks and defrags, cleaned it up often to keep it running happily along. I made sure I kept it safe from all the bugs and nasties running rampant out in the cruel world. I took it to the shop ever so often so it could be groomed and tuned up. Everything was fine!

It all started when I installed this “Linux” on it. Now, my computer just works all the time, it never takes a break! It just keeps on going and going like it was a machine! It never asks for a reboot like it used to all the time, it never rests. I’m really concerned for it, it’s like a constant workaholic, always ready to do something else, no matter how massive the task is – stuff that it wouldn’t even think of doing before! It’s downright scary I tell you! I’m really afraid that it’s going to hurt itself, but it never seems to mind at all.

Before, it was constantly crying out for attention and care. Now, it never asks for anything, it’s like it’s some sort of automaton just waiting for the next task to complete. It doesn’t slow down, it doesn’t reboot, it doesn’t require the loving care and attention it used to demand all the time. It doesn’t even succumb the to malware and nasties that used to be its major phobia. It’s like it doesn’t even care about them anymore, and it refuses to even run the anti-virus I paid so much for. It takes care of itself as if it were self-sufficient and only needs me to give it stuff to do!

It doesn’t even want all of the expensive gift software I bought for it, it comes with all of its own programs and they are all workaholics too! They do all the stuff the expensive software I bought even better and faster, but it didn’t cost me anything. I didn’t even have to go out and download them, they came with this new Linux thing.

Please, I’m begging you..what’s wrong with my dear computer? What happened to the cuddly, bloated, expensive powderpuff it used to be, and who is this sleek powerful workhorse of a beast in front of me? Please help me, I’m so confused!

Signed

  CompuConcerned

Related item: Reasons to Use Linux

Somebody had to clean up the trash

have come across a very funny and heavily-cited story from a guy who turned down a job at Microsoft, the “king of proprietary”. I particularly enjoyed reading his reply to the recruiter, a snippet of which lies below:

On the day *I* go to work for Microsoft, faint oinking sounds will be heard from far overhead, the moon will not merely turn blue but develop polkadots, and hell will freeze over so solid the brimstone will go superconductive.

I have found a very amusing Flash clip involving Monkey Boy Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft. He sure seems to love his iPod, but so does the Queen of England.

Context: Massachusetts says Goodbye to Office – including a reference to Ballmer’s ugly side.

otLinking is a term describing the situation where one site uses another Web site’s traffic, usually to display images it does not own. It is considered an act of stealing or unfair and unauthorised use of content. A few days ago I read a story about an HotLiknking victim that has gone a long way to achieve that sweet old revenge. As a large hamburger chain HotLinked a Flash clip, the Webmaster could notice unusual levels of traffic pulled from afar, namely from the hamburger chain’s Web site. He quicikly reacted quite shrewdly. The Webmaster explains: “…I redirected everything coming from Fuddruckers.com (the HotLinking criminal)… Wrote a nice little message pointing out how incredibly stupid their web developer is. And then redirected the main page to a pleasant little website showing photographs of slaughterhouses. And also opened up some more popups, for those that don’t have popup blockers.”

Also see my previous write-ups on HotLinking:

• Bandwidth Thieves – My battle against HotLinking
• Stolen Graphics – An hilarious Hotlinking Story

A humorous article, which was sarcastically called “Five Reasons NOT to Use Linux” in fact talks about why Linux is better than Windows.

In short, here are the arguments listed by the article’s author:

• The Windows Registry has deficiencies
• Windows is hard to install due to patching, AV, etc.
• Windows lacks built-in applications
• Windows is not secure
• Windows is more expensive

Is you are not convinced about any of the above, have a look at the essay. It provides compelling arguments and includes references to support them.

A ZDNet item that got Slashdotted moments ago reminds me why I back-up my data so frequently and frantically.

…A woman placed her laptop on top of her car while she got in. She forgot about the laptop, which slid off the back of her car, and she then reversed straight over it and reported hearing a ‘crunch’…

My seriousness when it comes to backup peaked a couple of months ago. As part of my ‘paranoia approach’ to backup, I have bi-weekly procedure which includes mirroring my entire hard-drive (~150,000 files), doing data integrity tests and a shallow sanity check using ‘diff‘ to ensure that no data was explicitly erased by accident.

Related items:

• Copy is Power – duplicating data excessively
• Cron-based Backup – backing up with pre-defined cycles
• One-Click Backups – automating the backup process
• Backup Fallacy – a common mistake
• Palm SD Card Backup – backing up PDA‘s using a tiny memory card

Certain ever-lasting trends in society worry me. While there is less smiling and degradation in terms of affectionate social patterns, anywhere you turn you see excessive compulsive laughter (often in public places over the telephone) as well as fake, polite laughs. [that's my genuine laugh on the right, circa 1984] Fake laughter has become a fundamental asset to girls who flirt. A man might say the darnest thing and some girls would still voluntarily giggle. Guys likewise, but as a straight man, I have no evidence. Either way, this fabricated temperament is becoming a norm.

It is also possible to see this wave of fake laughter in today’s sit-coms with a live studio audience. I don’t know about the old TV series , but the new batch of Hollywood Squares (with Whoopie), for example, bothered me quite a bit. Involved are 9 celebrities who memorise one-liners off paper, 2 contestants saying “true” or “false”, and an audience that hysterically laughs at jokes written by comedians prior to the show. In America, you would sometimes spot a guy with a large banner facing the audience and encouraging them to laugh or applaud. I used to watch such shows when there was nothing else on TV. Maturity has taught me the low educational value contained within them. We have to realise that if a joke is not forcibly laughed at, it does not imply that we have failed to understand it. One who does not laugh is not necessarily a boor.

To sum up, my bottom line would be that staged behaviour on TV hit our lives too. Most of us are living behind masks, hiding our real feelings and manipulating natural emotion to achieve our goals or adhere to norms. I am hoping for greater openness in society one day. Fake laughter is relatively benign, if not beneficial, commonplace behaviour. The new wave of utter disrespect, distance and cold, emotionless attitude is a far greater danger as manners and flattery are still the glue of society.